I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
