Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
