what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
