You just made me feel so damn special
Pants 0. Shit 1.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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