I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
don't judge my taste in strippers
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
