If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
