Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
