I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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