Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
