My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
