go do what you do best...puke behind churches
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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