Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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