I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
