Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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