yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
