At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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