I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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