This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
