Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We were destined to go to rehab together
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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