Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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