After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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