I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
