your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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