To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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