i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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