Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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