listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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