There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
