What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
