I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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