I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
