I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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