I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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