By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
i think i just lost a toe
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
