I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
