You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
