You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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