I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
