Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You can't just leave with hair like that
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
