the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
