if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
