omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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