Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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