half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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