im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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