He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I can text with my tongue
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
