God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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