The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
