life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
