I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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