I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
