Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
