A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
